Dear Friends, Family, and possible random strangers who read my blog,
Lest you all think I have a perfectly delightful child 100% of the time, let me set the record straight. Zakk has been on a work trip to Denmark (his company is based there) since last Saturday before dawn. He doesn’t come back until this Saturday night. It has been a long four days. Very long. And I have four more to go. Colette has become immensely challenging since her Daddy left. Honestly, she can be challenging on any given day. I just try not to focus on it too much. But without my partner here to share the load, it has taken a toll on me. She doesn’t want to eat what is offered to her. In fact, she would rather scream at me and throw it all on the floor. She doesn’t want to sleep. For naps or at night. She would rather thrash around like a wild baby animal, while occasionally snuggling me, occasionally pinching me, and occasionally trying to make a break for her bookcase or her bedroom door as I try to sing, cuddle, and otherwise cajole her to sleep. She only wants to be held and played with. All day long. And sometimes even that isn’t good enough. She is yelling a lot. I mean a lot. And loud. And it is hot here. Really hot. And I do not get a break. I have gained immense respect for the single parents of the world. I already had immense respect for them. Honestly. But it has grown over the last four days. This is hard. I wish my partner was here to help out with our daughter, our home, our life. I wish my partner was here to talk to about my day, my moments of happiness and gratitude, and my moments of frustration and disappointment. I wish my partner was here to hold me when I’m feeling overwhelmed and tired. I wish my partner was here. Thank goodness I know he is coming back in a few days time. I am grateful that yesterday had more good moments than Saturday or Sunday. Grateful especially for music class with friends and for a backyard dinner with other friends. And I am grateful that today had even more good moments than yesterday. And I am hopeful that tomorrow will prove to be even better yet. Time will tell.
Here are a few of my moments of gratitude from today.
Reading in the Park
We walked over to the park that is a couple blocks from our house to meet up with friends and have lunch. It was delightful to talk to other adults. And Colette didn’t scream at all and ate her lunch without a fight because there was so much going on around her to take in. And then she decided to do some reading in the park, which was totally adorable and made me very happy.
She giddily ate zucchini slices for her snack this afternoon. Seriously, she was giggling and making funny faces the whole time. I’m not sure if you can tell, but she has a zucchini smile in this photo much like the orange smiles that are common among youth (and youthful adults). It was truly delightful. Especially since she has been refusing them and throwing them on the floor for the past three days. She ate so well that I gave her a banana mini-muffin to round out her afternoon snack, which completely thrilled her, of course. She would happily eat those all day long!
Side Note: You can also see the two bottom teeth that have popped out in the past few weeks. Teething is not fun. But she sure does look cute with her new teeth.
I gave her some fresh, whole raspberries after she ate her dinner this evening. As I picked one up out of the carton, I was struck by how her tiny fingers would fit perfectly inside the raspberries. So I put them on her finger for her to eat them. She thought this was quite fun and it led to a lot of laughter from both of us.
She is finally asleep! I started putting her to bed at 7pm. I finally got out of her room by 8:40pm. Which is actually an improvement on Saturday night and Sunday night. I was lulled into a false sense of ease about bedtime by last night’s willingness to go to sleep without a fuss or fight. Tonight was not so easy. But now she is sleeping and I am free. For a little while anyway.
And now I say goodnight to you, my friends and family (and random strangers). Life is not perfect. Ever. And parenthood is a journey deep into the worlds of less than perfect and revised expectations. But I hope you are all able to count your blessings and decide they outweigh the frustrations and disappointments, too.